Sunday, December 29, 2019

17 Minutes 21 Seconds of Hell By Ryan Erker



I woke up around 2:30 this morning with a splitting headache and a sour stomach. What did I do? I ate an orange and popped a MegaMax vitamin hoping against hope I would feel better when my alarm went off at 5:30. What did I wake up to? I woke up to a splitting headache and a sour stomach. I made myself a lousy cup of coffee, ate a banana and started to watch the news. I had a date with The Sissy Challenge (see previous post) at 6:30 am and no one can say that I am not punctual.

With great reservations I walked through the morning fog with the usual group of guys who enjoy punishing themselves before the sun makes its daily d├ębut. Buddhist Mike was his usually jolly self making fun of my aches and pains. After our stretches and quick warmup I had even more reservations about the upcoming feat that I was going to ask of my body. I felt off. But as evidenced by my current living situation, I have not been known to make the best choices. Hence the next few minutes.

I am somewhat ashamed to say I made it a whole six minutes before it became evident that I currently have the flu. It took another 45 seconds before my body decided that my brain was not working in my own best interest. It was at this point I dropped down to do a Burpee and decided to stay closer to the ground. I remember my grandfather used to say "A German is never drunk as long as he can hold on to a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the Earth." This statement echoed in my head as I clung to my yoga mat thinking about not throwing up. My only solace was watching Buddhist Mike out of the corner of my eye turn a shade of red from exertion that can only be deemed unnatural. Serves him right for trying to kill an obviously ill man.

Unfortunately for me Buddhist Mike finished the workout. I desperately did not want that to happen, but the Gods did not favor me this morning. He actually had the gall to say in quite a condescending voice "So what has Ryan learned today? Has Ryan learned to listen to his body?" Unable to respond at that exact moment due to the fear that something other than words would come out of my mouth I made a rude jesture. He understood what I was trying to say.

After taking a nice hot shower I am now laying on my bunk watching the news. Evidently I have a deep desire to continue punishing myself for some strange reason. I do believe it is time to switch to The Hallmark Channel and see if some Christmas Cheer can't work some healing magic. I have until Thursday to feel good enough to beat Buddhist Mikes current completion time. I shall have the last laugh. What can I say? I am stubborn.

By Ryan Erker

Ryan Erker 390480
PO Box 888
Monroe WA 98272

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