I have a large network of people whom I am not very close with. I don't have anyone I can just call and we can chat about the mundane. I need that, but if you ask me why I need that, well, that's where I have trouble because I am being asked to be vulnerable. I'm being asked to reveal what makes me hurt. That's hard...
I feel invisible in prison. It's like when you see some glint of light that appears seemingly out of nowhere and you think it was a ghostly orb or a strange sunlight refraction or maybe an eye malfunction. But really, it was me. I'm waving and trying to interact but I am not recognized, I am invisible, not even human.
I have this need to be recognizable. Don't confuse this statement for a desire to be famous. I'm talking about a friend. Someone to tell me about the mundane. To laugh with, no expectations, just someone who is legitimately happy I exist and I am happy they exist and we can talk, be vulnerable.
I don't have that and I feel so empty. I exist in a world of 8 billion people and I don't have one I can call as a friend outside of prison. Inside prison I am a light on a hill, a beacon.
I am lighting as many other lights as I can, so I don't feel so lonely, and why not, why not light other peoples lights? They deserve to be seen.
Vulnerability... what a tragic need. Yet, it is necessary to be a complete human. So there, I am being vulnerable. The question is, will any of you dare to be vulnerable with me?
Subscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR community
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2
P.O. Box 888
Monroe, WA 98272
or email through jpay.com
Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)
visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/lgbtqprisonsupport/