Saturday, June 8, 2019

The locusts ate my math homework.. and other biblical excuses. PART FOUR by Christopher Havens

On their way to school, the students of Eden University were plagued by swarms of locusts. Shoes and bare feet made sloppy sucking noises in the puddles of tar like fertilizer beginning to form from the natural deaths of so many locusts.. and although their deaths were infrequent, the sheer volume of the swarm over such a long time had caused fertilizer to accumulate in large supply.
...meanwhile, as the students began to file in, classroom attendance could be marked by the black footprints found in the doorways.'s class would only see a mere 21 students... barely. For on this day behind a stack of books, Eve was a bit worse for wear. Her had was mussed, clothes in shamble, and her pen seemed to scribble slightly less diligently. Adam, despite his appearance, was doing considerably better. Today, the early scribbling of his pen danced in harmony with Eves. if their pens were connected.. locked in a dance of romantic superposition. Eve smiled at the thought. But as the bell rang at precisely the time congruent to 7 modulo 12, crickets chirruped, and the classroom became silent.
And so it came to pass that on the fourth day, Professor G.H. Hardy said LET THERE BE MODULAR ARITHMETIC IN THE RSA ENCRYPTION SCHEME.. TODAY WE STUDY PRIVATE KEY CRYPTO SYSTEMS AT THE FIELD OF QUOTIENTS! and so they did. But not before a shiver of trepidity ran through the students in a sinusoidal wave.. each student experiencing an increasing degree of disquietude. The sine wave amassed such an amplitude of delirium that once reaching the final student, Little Descartes, questioned his very own existence.
Today's study in the Field of Quotients began much like any other.. The students drooled. Descartes stared rapt as Adam scribbled symbols causing the air to bend into Euler's totient function. The cryptography made Eve feel alive.. Renewed. The air shimmered around her. Hardy spoke, and matter began to lift from the ground, circumfrencially around him.. Instantly torn and ripped into subatomic particles.. forming energy. Little Descartes absorbing the scene, gazed lost inside the energy current, where two new prime numbers, the likes of which had never been seen by the eyes of another, danced for him alone. Their product formed, causing Euler's totient function to crackle.. Adams eyes burnt in ultra violet at the conjuring of the modulus. Reality rippled around Eve, thus triggering the extended Euclidean algorithm. The minds of Adam and Eve coupled... Eve stared dumbstruck as Adams virile shape took on its primordial form... Eve budded into an ethereal whorl of femininity. Their minds formed unity.. their elements were the precise inverse of one another. encryption and decryption exponents.. they formed the key. The energy sphere around Hardy was like a tempest, digitizing shapes from the quantum realm into green phosphorescent decimal strings. ...Flying in vortices's at mach rapidity. Hardy commanded this phosphorescence into uniform decimal blocks..
Little Descartes lost consciousness attempting an assist using Euler's theorem. Eve's feet lifted off the ground. The modulus congealed around her, absorbing into her skin.. SHE was the key. Bathed in a blinding golden light, decimal blocks raced toward her, scattering into innumerable and incomprehensible digits. Seeing that the process was nearly complete, Adam willed the digits to a stand still.. gathering them, yet again into blocks.. the decrypted product.
As the energy died to a soft whisper, Adam and Eve were lost in interconnectedness. The coupling they shared had not yet dissipated. Eve trembled at the knowledge of her inverse relationship with Adam. Their awkward struggle lasted but fleeting moments as the coupling finally melted away. With her senses returned, she bolted in the direction of the Eden University garden... The whole spectacle was delightful ...with an Adam in tow for review lesson in curves and to show him some new tricks in multiplication.
Professor G.H. Hardy smiled... today was not half bad for a day of relaxation. 


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