I think often.. If somebody killed a family member of mine, would I want them to sit in prison to live the rest of their life being a pitiful scourge on the world, or would I want them to sit in prison and change the way they were.. REALLY change their lives around? My answer is that I would want them to reflect on their mistakes and fix that part of themselves. Do something excellent. So that if they were ever released, society would have a place for whom they have become.
In my thoughts, I wish I could tell the people I hurt that I have done this. And that I'm not done.. It' s an infinite debt. And if I had the chance, I would begin by telling them that I am not the guy who was arrested for murder. I'm sorry. Although I can't begin to ever repay any of you, I have spent my time becoming the man I should have been. I've stolen something permanent, and I can think of no other way to put even the smallest dent in my infinite debt than to give back something permanent. To achieve this, I have committed my life to the study of mathematics. I have become proactive by helping people move away from the convict lifestyle.. so that they might not be the person I was. I've started programs. Held mathematics events for the general population.. I have detached myself so far from prison culture and the culture of a user, and instead, immersed myself in thousands and thousands of hours of advanced mathematics. So many that I have been invited into a research group in Italy. My first joint research project is being published currently, with an amazing group of mathematicians. They are my people. I made new mathematics from behind prison walls. And although the mathematical community knows my checkered past, they have been gracious enough to let me show them whom I have become.
From behind the walls of my past, I have learned to become a contributing member of society to the extent that I will have a career mapped when I release, and the man who entered is not the man who will walk out of those doors. I can't say enough that I'm sorry, but even at all, it feels cheap. However, I am, truly sorry. I'm not sure how else I can work towards justice for you. But I have no excuses, only regret. ..and debt.