Thursday, June 27, 2019

I Was Meant To Be An Amazonian Princess by Ruth Utnage

Ever feel like you were born in the wrong body or the wrong era? Let me tell you about how God made a mistake and put me in the wrong body in the wrong continent. Who should have been an Amazonian Princess in the rain forest instead got dropped in the East side of Nebraska as a tubby boy.

So there God was, looking down into the Earth, pinching my spirit between his thumb and index finger. He was searching for the indigenous Shaman I was to be born from. I was carefully crafted to be regal, beautiful, love the sweltering heat and have a perfectly tanned, shiny body with wonderful Amazonian Princess curves.

So God searched while His angels joked with Him jolly'ly and then Michael, the Archangel farted or sneezed or something and God jerked to excuse him and in His haste dropped me in the middle of the United States in a boys body with fair skin and ultimate poverty.

I'm not mad at Michael for having angelic bodily functions, or God for having a weakish grip. I have accepted that I was meant to be an Amazonian Princess but instead am a fair skinned tranny in the U.S....I'll accept that.

But believe me, when I get to heaven and I meet God, I'm punching him right square in the mouth. He's got that comin', we'll spend the rest of eternity laughing about it, don't get me wrong. But I'm giving Him one good solid right hook to the jaw.

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With Love
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage

Mail To:
Jeff aka Ruth Utnage 823469 D-610-2
MCC-TRU
P.O. Box 888
Monroe, WA 98272

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DOC: 823469
Name: Utnage, Jeff (though I am legally Ruth)

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