Sunday, June 16, 2019

Are You Kidding Meeeeee... by Marshall Byers

I think...wait a minute, I know there's a zombie living next door. Can you hear him? Do you know the sound a toilet makes as the water gets sucked away, Yeah, it's that gargle, gurgle sound at the end of that process I'm talking about.

My window butts up to a thick concrete wall that separates me from this gargle, gurgle, face eating zombie. My window is around the size of any family car windshield, but there is a two inch bar from top to bottom, then off that bar is four other bars that run side to side. 

Our windows are open at the same end, so if this gargle, gurgle, face eating zombie farts, sneezes, or barfs green sledge, I not only hear it but I smell it too. Ugh! So I mustered up some courage an hour ago. READER BEWARE.

With my little mirror in hand, I stuck my long arm out the window in between the cold hard prison bars careful not to be seen. I angled the mirror just right, (let's not forget people, that coming close to a gargle, gurgle, face eating zombie could be dangerous to ones health) and what I witnessed was uncanny. This man zombie was very hairy, chubby and old with long scary toes. He somehow limbered up enough to do the unthinkable.

There he was, laying flat on his back intermittently picking up a chocolate syrup squeeze bottle with his feet, lifting it up into the air, then with a mighty thrust he would aim and fire a chocolatey rainbow of surgery goodness down his gullet. Then, as you may have already guessed, he would take great pleasure in this flavorful goodness by gargling with a gurgled burp. My young face contorted at this very site, as if I just realized I stepped in dog doodie on a hot summers day. Gross!

I retracted my long arm back into the safety of my prison cell, tried like hell to wash the previous scene from my mind, closed the window and kept repeating " Are You Kidding Meeeeee...." while slowly shaking my head.

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Doc # 769274
Marshall Byers


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