Friday, May 31, 2019

SHIP Sandwich by Christopher Havens

Let's begin with a stupid joke. What's purple and commutes? hmmmm??? AN ABELIAN GRAPE! :-) ..y'know... because an abelian group... is commutative.. no? Nobody? Sorry, I can't help it.. I'm a math addict. But all this math has lead to public speaking, which caused me to partake in creative writing which, in turn has led me to give some very seedy speeches in order to overcome my fear of judgement in a crowd. . Once, I wondered at what would be the hardest speech to sell a crowd. I decided that the crap sandwich would be a tough sell... soooo I sold the SHIP sandwich (Semi Hard Ionized Poop). I sold it like a true salesman of snake oil. I threw in some plausible things to make it seem real, and after a while, people wanted some before they figured out what it was! I broke out the free samples, and the room went quiet. There were a few doing "Hail Mary's", and a few dry heaving. A few gave a smile, and a few gave me looks that could cook an egg in its shell. ...That.. is what I needed, after all. I won the best speaker award after applying suspect piece of brown food to a guys face like chapstick. It was a brownie with actual corn kernels in it, formed to look like a turd, but to my defense, it was delicious despite its appearance. The guy didn't beat me up. Yay! All with a straight face! 

Moral of the story? Well, sort of. If you want to overcome a fear of judgement, jump in a situation where you know you'll be judged.. so that it eventually loses its punch to the nether regions. This works with a bunch of stuff. This logic turns faulty when you begin to apply it to conquering your fear of death. For example, you can't beat your fear of dying by having somebody kill you... And similarly, you can't conquer a fear of sharks by swan diving into a pool of fifty or so sharks. That sucks. Then at least, you'll have the opportunity to figure out if having your legs bitten off is enough to conquer your fear of having no legs. 

Christopher

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Christopher Havens # 349034
MCC-TRU
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Monroe, WA 98272


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