Saturday, March 2, 2019

Forget Me Not by Marshall Byers

I struggled at an early age with the thought/feelings of being forgotten. It was the one constant that followed me around. Yes, being forgotten as if I never existed is the one thing I feared most. Was I the only one??

At a young age, two kids I knew died in a car crash on the way to school. They were brothers. Not long after that, another kid I knew was killed in a car wreck. The memory of seeing dead kids expressionless in a coffin had a cruel effect on me. A deep internal battle began, lost in misty misguided misery, marooned by addiction.

I can pin point were this unwanted fear came from. Shortly after their deaths, life for everyone returned to "normal", but not for me. I remember being extremely angry with life and death. My outlook became daunting. People forgot them, they were no longer present. I did a whole lot of vandalizing.

I set out knowingly trying to fill a void with anything that felt good. I continuously pondered if I died, how long it would take for you to forget me. I hated not having something to do, I had to be around others for fear of being forgotten. It was taxing. Soon I just didn't give a **** about anything other than sex/sex/sex/sex/sex/ being extremely reckless, and getting wasted.

This behavior became a fast moving river spilling into an ocean where I spent years drowning in codependency. Being a teenager was rough. I woke up one day upside down, shattered glass in my mouth, car smashed to bits, massive pain "help! get me out!" I was a passenger, they left me there??

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With Love,
Marshall Byers

mail me at
Marshall Byers 769274 D-310-2
MCC-TRU
P.O. BOX 888
Monroe, WA 98272

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Doc # 769274
Marshall Byers
 

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