Human Me

Accessing Hormones From Inside Prison And Psychiatric Vendettas Against Gender Dysphoria by Jeff aka Ruthie Utnage

For a trans inmate access to hormones has been a major stride for healthy living. It used to be that you only got hormones if you took them on the streets before incarceration. Now, thankfully, we can get them after a series of carefully navigated obstacles.This is a major point for me coming clean as …

Community Aid Coalition by Marshall Byers

Hanging out with the guys tonight doing a little quilting, but mostly talking about our past and current relationships, life experiences, and some of the daily bullshit that goes on around our prison environment and how it effects us. We have officially named Saturday night, Men’s Night.  My family loves the idea that I have …

Happy With Me: Moments Of Clarity by Jeff aka Ruthie Utnage

I’ve made a lot of bad choices over the years. I spend exorbitant quantities of time mulling over the consequences too. But not today. Today I am going to spend a few minutes, just a few, precious and graceful moments congratulating myself on one good decision. Look, I’ve made a bunch of good decisions over …

She Makes Life, and Me, Normal… by Rory Andes

I’m a straight man in a men’s prison. I’ve been here for six years now. Its a lot like a big high school and a lot of the folks around here talk like we’re in a high school guy’s locker room. Things are said that surely shouldn’t be heard by any lady’s ears. After years, …

Prisons: Reform or Abolish Them? by Jeff (aka Ruthie) Utnage

I used to think I was a prison reformist until I realized that what I really want is to eliminate the need the prisons. Which makes me an abolitionist, though, staunch abolitionists would probably disagree with that conclusion. Before America was seized by European colonialists, prison reform was already a hot topic. If you peruse …

Joy Expressed by Marshall Byers

Being apart of something so amazing as Summit Assistant Dogs while in prison has helped me to heal, grow, overcome fear, and make a huge difference in the lives of others. Today we had a dog graduation here at Monroe Correctional Center. The visit room was full of outside volunteers that support Summit Assistant Dogs …

How To Love Them When They Make Themselves So Unlovable: Annoyance To Impassionment And Beyond by Jeff aka Ruthie Utnage

Every community and dare I say, family, has one or fifty people who make themselves unlovable. Maybe they are hypercritical, angry, or just plain uncomfortable to be around and asking God for more patience is not working out. I have some things you can try.As you know I am incarcerated and this place is riddled …

Gender Expression and All That by Jeff aka Ruthie Utnage

Writing about my gender is harder than I expected. It feels vulnerable, like a fire by the ocean at low tide. Only I am the fire and something else is the ocean. I am not taking my eyes off of that ocean because I am waiting for the day it tries to extinguish me. So …

The “Amanda” Problem: Post-Release Access To Hormones A Challenge For Trans Ex-Offenders by Jeff (Ruthie) Utnage

Getting hormone treatment in Washington State is currently available. If an inmate identifies as trans she or he can navigate the channels set forth and receive hormone treatment while incarcerated. However, let me set a scenario for you:A trans woman, we will call her Amanda, comes to prison after only taking t-blockers. She begins getting …