Monday, November 19, 2018

Who I am, I'm Pleased To Introduce... by Jeff Utnage/Ruthie Utnage

I would like you to meet somebody who has been afraid to reveal herself for a relatively long time, her name is Ruthie Anne Utnage. Its not an alter ego or a nickname, its not a pseudo-name or pen name, its me.

I compromised with myself in 2011 and said "I'm gay", That allowed me to admit I liked men and get used to the idea of not being ashamed of it. After a few years I felt this weight still on me, there was still this person trapped inside me and I wouldn't let her out. So I admitted I was gender nonconforming, this allowed me to express myself as a woman when I wanted to, sort of dip my toes in the water. But that was not enough, it still meant I was a man, a man who expressed himself as a woman. Inside though all I heard was someone screaming "Liar!"

So I came out and revealed myself to the world. So here I am.

I am a woman, my name is Ruth, my friends will know me as Ruthie. I chose the name Ruth because the biblical character of Ruth is me on so many fronts.

I want to work in Human Resources, but my passions are ending victimization and getting the marginalized to not be marginalized.

I have made many mistakes, I own every one of them, without excuse. I have spent years in programs that helped reshape my entire thought process. Most important, though, was self acceptance and love.

I love writing, public speaking, and learning. College classes feel like a warm summer day in Utopia to me. If I could, I'd spend the rest of my life in them.

I am single, love to laugh, very active. Socializing is important to me. I believe in polyamorous relationships, but do not have to have them. I hate possessiveness and jealousy. I won't tolerate either in any capacity from anyone ever for any reason.

I refuse violence altogether, yes, I will stand there and get beat without defending myself. Yes, I have done that before, yes it sucked, but I hurt no one and my conscious is clear. I refuse to commit another act of violence, ever, and will not allow anyone in my life who believes its OK to hurt others in any way.

I believe in change. I believe in community and the power of them.

I despise political parties. I love the stock market. I believe in capitalism, open-borders and the complete disarmament of all peoples and nations, including and especially government agencies.

I love law enforcement but want to put them out of a job desperately. I want to render them unnecessary, completely. Prisons as well.

Most important, though, is my need to love and feel needed. To belong. To have a place in society where I serve a purpose. I don't mind being vulnerable...

Oh, I don't mind being wrong either. Totally okay. I learn new stuff every day! I have zero reservations about admitting fault.

I love getting uncomfortable. I believe that when I am uncomfortable, I am learning.

That's me. Maybe you will introduce yourself to me?

Subscribe, Follow, Interact, Comment and change YOUR community.

With Love
Ruthie Utnage
Formerly known as Jeff Utnage
www.lgbtqprisonsupport.com

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