Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Thoughts On Monogamy From A Polyamorous Believer by Jeff Utnage

I believe in polyamorous relationships. That is, relationships where 3 or more people love one another equally and have equal stakes in the relationship. This differs from polygamy greatly, which is there is a head with multiple spouses with some sort of ranking (usually) and the spouses have no intimate dealings (other than singularly sharing a spouse).

Example- There is a couple, we will call them Nolan and Sabrina, they develop a relationship with Brian. In a polyamorous relationship, Nolan would likely be bisexual (or pansexual or poly sexual) and the three would have equal parts with one another. Brian/Nolan/Sabrina, Sabrina/Brian, Sabrina Nolan, or Nolan/Brian. Whether that's sharing a glass of milk or a bed.

The hard part about these types of relationships is finding people that actually fit this lifestyle, which are those who are non jealous and who genuinely love the others involved. These are not for everyone.

The other factor is fidelity. The people involved in the relationship are monogamous to the others involved, straying outside of ones partners is still cheating. That's called an open relationship, or non-committal. Which is different than poly amorousness.

Now here's a question, if I am willing to be in a polyamorous relationship, does that mean I will not be in a traditional dual partnership? NO! All it means is that I CAN love more than one person simultaneously, not that I HAVE too. There's a difference.

It also means I don't mind if my partner flirts or even lightly dates other people. I am not a jealous person. I do not feel like restricting someone else is fair. However, it is common practice in our society, that means if I love the person I am with I will respect their wishes, fully. I wouldn't stray or look for others. I still wouldn't be upset if my partner did though.

I view marriage and relationships differently. Just because we are together does not mean I expect obedience or compliance...that's strange to me. Yet, if I make a commitment to someone by saying, I will be with you and only you. I should be honorable enough to fulfill my commitment, which means we have to speak about such things.

Healthy relationships are honest and communicative, sometimes requiring sacrifice. But if you actually love someone, the sacrifice isn't really a sacrifice now is it.

With Love
Jeff "Jeffebelle" Utnage
www.lgbtqprisonsupport.com

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