Monday, July 16, 2018

Don't Burn Down the Village Trying to Stay Warm (part 10 of series)

Here in prison, I have an amazing and trusted relationship with my LGBT friends. As a straight man who generally sees the world through moderately conservative eyes, it seems that I'm an oddity of sorts. I have one friend, Jeff (many readers of this story may know this beautiful gender fluid person from this site's postings), that believes in extremely responsible social and personal relationships and interactions, regardless of orientation or gender identity. Jeff and those like him are the examples of the exceptional, values based humanity I found in prison.

Jeff gave me insights, websites, cautionary advice and massive support in helping Kristen find the best, healthiest way to discover a polyamorous partner. He became email friends with her and gave her some really sound advice. I wish it could have been a joint discovery for both Kristen and I, but our situation dictates that I trust her judgment in her search. So far, she was spot on with so many other big life issues, so no big deal trusting her with this. She had lots of tools, I had lots of support, and we had tons of potential. The excitement of her finding more love and peace and me knowing I wouldn't be replaced or cheated on was soothing.

As her and I talked about how this situation could look, I had this wonderful vision of a regular ol' Sunday where Kristen woke up next to this amazing woman who made her breakfast, planned a day with our daughter, sent Kristen off to see me at visit with words of love and kindness and ultimately had a meal, a bath and a warm evening of conversation waiting for her when she returned. Kristen's life would be happier, fulfilled, peaceful, stress free, connected, empowered and most of all, loved. This new woman would come in to visit on her own so that she could get loving advice and her and I could plan surprises for Kristen and Megalodon. It had so much potential.

Kristen would be loved by someone everyday without loss or loneliness and when I got home, she'd get it twice as much. And she'd be worth all of it. I would have someone in this new partner to help plan mother's day flowers and birthday gifts. All difficult from prison and all necessary to say I love you. I would have someone to help me by being a proxy to celebrate that Mexican brunch on our anniversary. I would have another voice to encourage me to get to the end of this mess and help me be the man I wanted to be to them both. Kristen and I would have a partner that we could empower to make all her dreams come true. Something for everyone. I didn't think it was really asking a lot. Perhaps I was naive about what could have been.

Sadly, a responsible, multi partner relationship built on love, trust and communication was only a thing of dreams. A dead concept for Kristen that I didn't know had been dying. My reality was a nightmare. Kristen quickly settled on the second woman she met. She had the permission she needed. This woman was a butch lesbian with pure hatred for men. The match providing her warmth was lit and the first thing to burn was my place in Kristen's life...

Rory Andes

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