Thursday, August 17, 2017

I'd Rather Be Hated Than Ignored

Hopefully you have never been to jail or prison. It challenges your idea of "alone." While I have been here I have made some major personal, character, and moral changes. While reaching out to the outside world for help I have discovered that being invisible is far worse than being hated.

I have a thing I do, I write five letters a week. I write to businesses, politicians, foreign leaders, LGBT organizations, community org's and so on. I have been doing this for quite some time now, writing letters. Funny how I have written letter after letter and gone nearly 100% ignored. Nobody replies.

I can't decide if they aren't replying because my writing skills are sub par, my ability to clearly convey my intentions is off, maybe they fear writing an inmate, or perhaps its because I am dealing with a world that doesn't know what to do with a handwritten letter anymore.

Whatever the reason, week after week I write and write. And week after week I run back to my unit from college, hoping to finally get a letter, or 50, and it never ceases to sting when my name isn't called. I'm not whining about it, anymore. Now its just plain funny. 

I write and write, my peers are even listening for my name now. We laugh and joke about it. For some its even a community effort, they proofread what I write, to verify that it is as professional and succinct as possible. Every week I drop 5 more.

Even though its funny on the outside, inside it hurts to realize that I'm not worth responding to. I hold onto the idea that I am rehabilitated, that people want me to do better. But nobody will tell me that and I can't seem to figure out why. What is most shocking to my peers is that LGBT organizations won't respond to me. It kind of blows me away too.

Its OK though. I just won't give up. I have a drive inside me that won't quit. I am rehabilitated, I am better, I am worth responding to. I am going to make a difference in this world, in my community, in my people. 

So now I'm going to write ten letters a week.
Send me some addresses...

With Love
Jeff

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