Wednesday, June 28, 2017

What To Do When A Drag Queen Steals Your Ice Cream, You Gotta Read This!

One of the best things I heard about for our prisons Pride Event was a friend of mine getting his ice cream stolen by a drag performer. First, let me tell you how important ice cream is in prison...

Ice cream is currency in prison because we do not get it. Let me rephrase that, its as good as currency. Unless your family can visit you, ice cream does not come to inmates unless it's on rare occasions, like a Pride Event. Then its a one cup serving, chocolate, delicious gold. You could hand an inmate a twenty dollar bill or a one cup serving of chocolate ice cream, the ice cream is by far more valuable...very important to most in here. Now that we have that established, let us journey on.

We are mingling with the amazing outside guests when two beautiful drag queens and one gorgeous transgendered woman came into the room. One was wearing a floor length, pink sequined dress and one of the best hair buns I've seen (go guurl!, I love me some hair). These amazing women glide through the room stealing every set of eyes and tying nearly every tongue. 

My friend, an inmate I invited to share this moment with is sitting off to one corner, attending to a disabled offender when the beautiful women come to meet him. (he was sitting next to our event sponsor) His frozen gold, his chocolate cup of deliciousness that he was saving for that special moment when it was soft enough to literally melt in his mouth, his moment was taken (I am laughing so hard right now!) by one of the performers because when he stood up she took his ice cream, opened it up and starting eating it in front of him. Never breaking eye contact, mind you.

So my bad azz, muscle clad, bearded buddy in all his criminality said what any convicted con would say "uh, I, ex..excuse me, th...that's my uh, my ice cream." he said it quietly, timidly like she was going to bite him. Her response was simple (because this gurls a boss!) she took another slow, deliberate, savory bite, put the spoon back in the Styrofoam cup and handed it back to him without a word. He was speechless and nervous (one, he did not know she was a performer, all he seen was a beautiful woman, and two, he wasn't sure he was upset that he was about to eat off of the same spoon) but the man recovered well.

In truth, the poor queen probably didn't know it was his, after all it was unattended for a moment. But her poise and ability to wrap the man so completely around her finger was the most impressive part. Especially because the mans reputation among prisoners is one of extreme violence (though he is not really like that!) 

So what do you do when a drag queen steals your ice cream? Share.

With Love
Jeff Utnage

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