Friday, December 9, 2016

Letting Go Of Your Secret: Coming To Terms With Your LGBT Identity

Coming out is scary for so many people. I watch it happen about once a week. I watch as they painstakingly uncover their secret.

One trans girl I know was deeply involved in the church and was still very much hiding in the closet. In watched over the course of a year as she grew her hair out and little things began to change, like hand movements. Then as she let her inner woman out more and more I could see a peace radiating from her despite the chaos.

One of her biggest fears was the church ostracism. Which I went through and I was already out! So I prepared her a year ago to began the process of not allowing men to dictate who she worships. If she wants to be on the choir, she should be allowed to be on the choir. 

Life doesn't work like that always though. They did ostracize her, make her feel as though she is committing some horrible offense by learning who she is inside. They should be ashamed of themselves.

This isn't about the church behaving shamefully though, its about coming to terms with the reality of who you are. The point is that you might lose a few people in the process. That's OK though because your going to need a lot of personal space to come to terms with yourself.

For me, when I came out it was an eye opening moment. I seen everything with new found wonder and over the years its almost like I went through a puberty like stage into the man that I am now. I had to learn who I was and it was very child-teenage like. I became fiercely independent in my mind but dependent on those close in reality. I wanted to know everything but was afraid to ask so I pretended I knew everything anyway. 

But that stage passes and humility set in for me rather quickly. As I hope it does for our new transgendered girl here, Aubrey. Which, she is making new friends and people are recognizing her by her name and referring to her as "her" and "she". Which is wonderfully important to her psyche during this time because insecurity is rampant in many of us. The whole world seems to outcast you and everything inside says to keep yourself hidden. But, nothing makes you feel better then you being you. 

My advice, be you. It is going to be OK because so many before you have made this journey and there is tons of REAL support along the way. Be happy with yourself because until you are, no one else will be either. 

With Love
Jeff Utnage

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