Tuesday, October 11, 2016

I Do Not Have Time For Feeling Sorry For Myself, Lives Are At Stake

I am not naive. I know I have internal changes that had to be made in order to be different. After all, you cannot do the same thing and expect different results. So I have been making serious character changes within myself for years now. 
The more I read about psychology and social inadequacies and where they originate from the more I understand about myself. 

I want to effect change in people before they commit crimes. There is much attention on youths, which there needs to be more of, but once they're 18 its like this switch goes off in the communities hearts and all of a sudden its to late. The difference between 17 & 18 is only 24 hours. In fact we continue to learn new habits, traits and characteristics our entire lives. Its never to late to improve yourself. 

As we go through personal growth and changes. As we overcome challenges and obstacles in our lives we gain invaluable insight and education. This kind of information is exactly the kind of information I have been asking for since I have been incarcerated. All the "How do I change this?" This info is useful for more then just ourselves. Prime example, growing up my Mother was very loving whereas adult males in my life were abusive to those around them. This created specific relational issues within myself that I had no idea why they were there. Like why I didn't come out until I was 28 and after 11 years of marriage. Telling myself now "you just weren't ready to cope" isn't good enough because not coming to terms with my identity led to some seriously harmful behaviors. Given some introspection on my childhood with fresh information has given me great insight into why I didn't come out until I was 28 and how hat has effected my life.

Why would anyone else care? Because now that I know what I did to fix it, now I can help others who are in the same boat I was, this goes back to victim prevention. Remember, that's my goal. 

So while it is easy to sit and ponder all the bad decisions you have made and feel sorry for yourself because your life is not what you thought it would be, it is a virtually useless activity that almost solely leads to mental corruption and is poisonous for your self esteem. 

People out there are looking for help and not everyone can explain it to them in the way they need. Sometimes you just being willing to change and be transparent about it can save lives. You just never know how you will change someone's life. 

Just thought I would put that out there.

With Love
Jeff Utnage

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