Tuesday, May 31, 2016

5-27-2016
Using Those Who Doubt & Hate: Don't Let Them Dull Your Shine

So often people want to hold us back. Maybe the intention isn't to deliberately hold you back, but that's the result. They couldn't do something therefore its impossible. Or maybe your being prevented from doing something, maybe the right thing is against someone else's ethics. Like being gay. 
Whatever the situation is (there are more than likely several at once) there is a positive end or a negative end. Negative first, you could give up. Quit, stop trying. Be the same as them, unable. That's an option. Do something different altogether.
Then there is the positive, do it anyway. Then after you have done it, move on. There is nothing more satisfying then accomplishing something and completely ignoring the haters. The ones that said it wasn't possible or reasonable. The ones that said you couldn't. No need to rub it in their face, hold your head high and walk on by. Associating only with those that propel you and themselves forward. 
Use the doubt and the hate and the obstacles as fuel. Inside you boil and fume, but steam properly channelled and used moves mighty powerful things. Use the anger as a propellant to launch yourself into your goals and dreams.
Dears, we will run into all kinds of obstacles. I get my mail censored and rejected. I can't live with other gay men because they are afraid well have intercourse, staff use me in secret to counsel other gay men but won't pub locally back me to start a support group for such purposes, I can't seem to find a boyfriend for nothing and when I do finally meet one nice enough to talk to I become the "Good Luck Chuck" of their world. They immediately meet " The One" and I'm no longer writing material. I try and try to give people my best to maybe help just one person and it generally just gets used by the wrong people. One ministry (a Christian org.) got ahold of me to give advice on how to start a peer support system for LGBTQ at another prison, they offered all kinds of help then suddenly broke all contact. Probably because of my conviction. Something I don't think I'll ever live down. 
But here is the this guys and gals, its all right. Seriously, its gonna be all right. One day I'm going to help somebody change their life, then, its all worth it. Then everything is proven wrong and I don't have to say a word because I know the truth. I know who I am, who I'm gonna be, where I want to go. They don't need to be there, just me. I don't care if they ever see they were wrong, I don't necessarily even want them to see. I could care less, I have to do me and you have to do you. 

Know this, I want to help you in any way I can. An ear to holler at, a shoulder to cry on, to be your "Good Luck Chuck". Whatever you need, I'm OK with, why, because I care, because no one did it for me. I hope I will find a friend at some point who will be a pillar for me, but until them I am going to plant and plant plant and something will come forth. Do the same dears. It will be worth it.

With Love
Jeff Utnage 823469

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