Tuesday, April 26, 2016

4-24-2016

Preparing For What's Ahead: Psychologically Lacking

I personally try to be prepared for whatever's next. Traditionally I have been a slacker, lazy and a major procrastinator. Unless I wanted something, then I was all hands in. Its a trait that I hated about myself so I sought to change it. I attributed energy and drive to weight. Don't ask why, but I think its because internally I blamed my obesity for my lack of drive and just made a mental note. A note that I still carry around I guess. Whenever my body aches, or I am to tired to do something I immediately go to "its because I'm letting myself get fat again" in my head. I fail to realize that I have an OK body. I am 185 lbs and realistically that is OK. I am a healthy guy. 
My battle inside my head is what hinders me the most. As I think with everyone who is not satisfied. Its your own doing. We are only limited by our imagination. I struggle to prepare myself for whatever is around that corner and to tackle it. I still want that image of myself to be realized. Which is when I am confident I am very thin, hair perfectly done, white teeth and clear skin. Then I'll be able to conquer everything and anything. That's the battle I speak of for me. I have always allowed something to stand in my way and its almost always my own image.
Not allowig myself to move forward without this winning body is extremely egotistical and something that I am beginning to resent....alot. Placing the blame squarely on my shoulders, its time I do something different and go after the next step in my life right now. I am beautifully flawed and I have to be okay with that, even if I'm not. So the process starts now, we are beautiful, wonderful people who are go getters as we are. The image of who we think we should be isn't necessarily the image of who we really are or will be. Its an alter-ego that lives in all of us. I am personally going to absorb the traits, realize its just me, right now and go and conquer the world. 

I'm never going to just lay down.

With Love
Jeff Utnage 823469

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