Monday, December 7, 2015

There are many types of Christian's out there. Just like there are many types of Muslim's. Often when there is some sort of Jihadist attack anywhere in the world many Muslim's cringe at the backlash that comes back at them fo the actions of someone else.

The reality of the situation is that one sect of religion doesn't speak for or dictate all other sects. It's unfortunate that the Muslim's, which are traditionally peacable and non-violent, are taking the brunt of bias attitudes and passive forms of discrimination. But they aren't the only ones. 

The Christian believer today, unfortunately, comes in many forms and types. They can be hard to decipher. We have T.V. evangelicals and preachers of all shapes, sizes, personalities and sects telling us all kinds of mixed messages. One preacher teaches grace, another the law. Then yet another might teach both. 

I have funneled most of them into two categories. Two types of Christians. I am going to use the term 'Christian' loosely because a Christian traditionally is kind-hearted, patient, caring, loving, generous and forgiving. The term Christian means; one who follows Christ. This means that you follow the teaching of Christ, with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. If you don't do this, then you are not a Christian, you are something else.

The two types I have experienced are as follows: 1) those who believe it's ok to 
outcast, seperate and hate for the sake of Christ and 2) those who believe that you must love all.

The two are easy to differentiate. One will be accepting of homosexuals as they are right now, not for the men or women that they could be if they repented. The other will simply hate them. Or outcast them, or preach that God thinks they are abominations and will burn in hell fire. One teaches acceptance and the other teaches intolerance.

When God called me to his bosom I was not a good man. I wasnt perfect by any means, I was actually in the process of being the worst human being imaginable. No one was going to call me out of that mindset. When God called me He extended His love to me right where I was at. Do you understand that? Imagine this: just picture God above you with His hand extended downward to help you out of the situation or place your in. He's not judging you or angry with you or impatient with you, He simply waits for you to grab ahold of His hand and let Him pull you to safety and love. His place doesn't change for us, He stays right where He is...He pulls us to His level through His Son, Jesus Christ. 

Even Homo-sexuals, especially homo-sexuals.

You have the right to worship God and Jesus Christ in every church in every state. Grab a friend, lover, relative or any supporter who understands and go to church. Hand in hand and worship God the Father and the Son in happiness and peace. Dont let the awful hatred of Satan that has infected our beautiful God's childred infect you by not going anymore. All they can do is hate verbally. PAy them no mind...


Your Brother in Chains

Jeff Utnage, as always feel free to contact.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

I have this bracelet. It's thin and flimsy and doesn't like to stay together very well. In fact, i'm always having to readjust it to make sure it doesn't catch on things and just tear apart. But, it's a rainbow bracelet. You know, the rainbow flag colors; red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. Those colors for me represent freedom.

In fact, you could let me out of here today and if I couldn't express myself as a gay man, I wouldn't feel freedom. In here I have no real option for expression. Our clothes are khaki and white, shoes are white or black, walls are gray and white, every electronic is complaints here though. I dont need to be different from everyone else. I already am. 

That is, until a friend of mine was talking about his little rainbow bracelet he wanted for his birthday. How juvenile I thought. Just the fact that he was wanting something for his birthday was a little off, but then he was asking for a bracelet?? Accessorizing in prison! What! You can't do that. But then I decided to make one for myself. I figured that I would just wear it for an hour or two then take it off when I caught to much heat for wearing it. 

Then something strange happened. I liked it, I found myself fidgeting with it. I became proud of it. I worry it's going to break, or get taken. It is like an old blanket that warms me in my dark times. As I go through this dismal place where everyone looks for an in to just rip you to pieces, this stupid little bracelet brings me right back to me. It's a symbol of my freedom, my ability to accept me.

It's funny how something so small and ridiculous can change your outlook. Lately I have been very depressed. This little, thin piece of jewelry helps me to remember that I may have come to prison and have a potential life sentence, but I came to prison and found myself. That is priceless and I am so thankful. I hate myself for my crime, but I am so glad that I came here. This reminds me of what I have gained by coming here. It reminds me of that man that I am currently. Not the man that I was. Why I have changed, who I have changed for and who stands to gain the most. 

So, this little bracelet is a friend to me, sounds stupid and ridiculous. I know, believe me I know. But it's true. One simple way that I can express my sexuality that doesn't make people uncomfortable, doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't defile my body, doesn't compromise my morals...

I hope that everyone finds there little rainbow bracelet in life and I hope that I find scores more. Thanks for listening. As always, feel free to contact me. You can contact me in the following ways: enter in my name and add to my contact list Jeff Utnage 823469 



Jeff Utnage 823469
stafford creek correction center
191 constantine way
aberdeen, WA 98520

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Sometimes I think I am the most feared in prison. Not me as an individual, me as a type. I am the unafraid and unafraid gay man.

If a gay man comes to prison and throws caution to the wind, he becomes disrespected and more willing to cross personal boundaries. A straight man who has multiple sexual partners is a champion, but a gay man has one sexual partner in prison is outcast and treated like a deviant. This is usually where negative behavior begins, btw.

Once it's been reported among inmates and staff that this homo is whoring about (whether its reality or not, perception is reality in here) everyone gives up. Predators want to use them for prostitution and closeted sex. Staff assumes that's what they want and hardly intervenes. 
When they do it is the polar opposite, isolation. You see, the fear is sex. It's believed that we are uncontrollable sex fiends, so were seperated (for the safety and security of the facility). This comes from their own preconcieved ideas about what gay men are or aren't.

I've also been told that we are an infection. Responsible for breeding homosexuality in the prison system. That we somehow have this ability to force men three times our size to whip out their members for our obscene sick fantasies. Like we have an ability to cast spells or we are the latest super-villians in a comic book (watch out for...GASP!...Queero!). 

The truth is much less dramatic. Some of us allow ourselves to be abused for a long list of reasons. I do not have all the answers. Why do 'straight' men have sex with gay men and then hate us for it? Who knows! 

So when a man like me comes along with a way to improve the incarcerated gay community, you would think it would be embraced. Undoubtedly some don't want to change; out of fear, pure stubborness, addiction...the list goes on. However, my experience has been that most of the gay men I know want to be respected, happy and sober. They sometimes believe that's not possible to achieve, but they do want it. I want to enable them to achieve. A support system that promotes and enables us to edify one another.

In June of this year (2015) I submitted a proposal that would allow us to convene in a safe, chapperoned and staffed environment. Here we could work on self-esteem, positive behavior, addictions, self-respect, goal setting, being pressured etc. In addition, sometimes we need to be able to talk to other gay men. Just knowing your not being judged, a place where you feel secure to be you.

If you put a straight man in a womans prison the social and
pyschological damage would be drastic especially given he had no other peers like him. Why would a gay man in a straight prison be any different? 

My group proposed is free to the state, run by volunteers. It has a high probability to reduce our stress levels, allowing for more pressing issues to be addressed, gain resource info and where to get help. This will only help our recidivism rates go down...isn't that the point of this place?

I am looking for help. We need additional literature, a permanent outside sponsor, curriculum agendas, recidivism data for the LGBTQ community, prevention ideas and most of all we need your compassion. Your mentorship, we want to be successful, drug free and independent.
You can help by sending an email of support to the appropriate places (nicely, of course). To find out how you can help or to simply find out more info about me or my program or my future plans or anything at all, you can contact me the following ways:

1. Jeff Utnage 823469
Stafford Creek Correction Center
191 Constantine Way
Aberdeen, WA 98520

Type in my name and follow the instructions listed (forgive the lack of details, we dont see the website face, only our secured end)

Jeff Utnage